From Feelings and Barcelona

One Month and two days or better April 7th and today is May 7th, but sometimes the calendar calculation works in a way, I’m not so sure how… but all in all doesn’t matter so much. Then what I more want to write down what I felt the first weeks after my life changed in a way I never expected it before.

At the moment I’m sitting at the Barcelona airport and waiting for the flight to leave and I just sent the text that I’m super excited to see you soon again. I think that’s all about I have in mind and wanna write down, how strong my feeling got for this most beautiful person I ever met – my Amy Renee Hess. The last 4 weeks showed me that I got complete, that I settled, and that a completely new chapter in my life just opened. The book flipped over to some pages, I didn’t even know they are existing in this book. We spent an awesome time before we moved in… now it’s just more of this wow feeling… When I said earlier that you’re like the color Yellow, it becomes more and more strong every second, the whole thought about something new beautiful and unexpected that is just here now. When I close my eyes I’m still thinking I’m dreaming… I think it’s the morning waking up next to you, bringing or getting a coffee, drive together to work, exchange texts, have a run at lunch, and then leaving back home again together for reviewing the day. I liked this question you asked recently so much, the High and the Low of the day. It’s fun, interesting, and touching… I feel I’m writing complete randomly, the text just leaves my mind and I just write down and it feels wonderful.

In the meanwhile I had to enter the plane and we’re in the air… and I had a minute to think about how and what to write… but I still feel it exactly what I had in mind yesterday afternoon and for much longer I wanted to write… its all about this wonderful relationship we’re having, building up and getting to know each other better and better with every second we’re spending together.

Bevor ich zurück komme auf unsere Beziehung und unser Schloss möchte ich über ein Gefühl sprechen, das für mich neu ist. I wanna write about a feeling I’m having in me, very new for me before I’m going back to the month we spent in our castle. The same sentence in two languages, I try how it feels to write it, can I express me differently. I don’t think so, it’s just writing it twice, giving more power to it. It’s all about TO MISS, VERMISSEN. I have it all the time, spüre es wie es kommt wenn ich dich nicht sehe für einen Moment, manchmal sind es nur Stunden oder Momente, maybe only seconds. This feeling is new for me – it’s wonderful but maybe also a bit scary – scary in a positive way as it’s super new for me and I first have to learn to be with that feeling. Wie fühlt es sich an wenn ich Amy für eine Zeit nicht sehe, was löste es in mir aus. I just feel I really open myself in a way, but it feels absolutely right for me, I’m not scared about anything, because I know it’s real and I can express myself the way I need and want. The moment she is away, the feeling grows, maybe a touch in my body some feeling in my stomach. Then my mind brings in thought from the past, thought from the future… it’s very new for me – I never ever missed in a way I miss now – I really really need this woman. She lights me up, she gives me power, she give me strength, she makes me laugh, she makes me cry, she inspires me, she lifts me, she pulls me and she is super hot. Being hot, that’s also something, I have no idea why I’m getting crazy around her, this girl really fesselt mich, sie lässt mich in einer Welt schweben die für mich unglaublich traumhaft ist. Ich bin soooo glücklich, dass ich das Glück habe diese Frau getroffen zu haben und wir in diese einzigartige Wohnung einzogen sind. For me it’s that feeling we’re having this wonderful relationship, then we’re also having this wonderful flat. That’s actually the feeling and thought I had yesterday, and I still try to explain it in my mind or finding a picture for it. I’m sitting in the plane, still in the air somewhere over France I guess and I look for an image. The first I had is like being a cocktail, maybe a Pina Colada – how are they made, I’m not sure, guess rum, some juice and coconut milk – and around a glass, that holds everything. Would Amy and Thomas be the liquid and the castle the glass, it needed and makes it perfect… well it’s from to fare, let me think about another picture. Maybe I have one, I just looked outside the window and see a wonderful sunset…

Could Amy and Thomas be the world and the moon, stars the sun, the other planets the castle… It’s something we have a place where I find peace and you, a home – I really have the feeling the first time in my life I found a home. I can express it, I can write it, I can spread it, I’m going home. But it’s getting interesting, what does home means… where does it come from… Well, I had these flats before, they were OK, I had a place to sleep and that was all right in these times but I felt I’m missing something. Then I met you – my Amy, we found a place to live and began to nest and I started to feel it. I can’t wait to leave my office, ich möchte nach Hause gehen, ich denke es mir auch und ich spüre es. Ich gehe nach Hause, es fühlt sich richtig and und wunderschön. Es ist ein Platz an dem ich mich wohlfühle, mich ausleben kann. I think it’s awesome that on the other side of the lake, it’s kinda distant and underlines it. I feel we’re having this wonderful place, we called it castle from the begin and it really became a castle. You wrote me once in a text, you’re excited to go home to our world, and yes – its exactly what I feel, going home to our world, to our castle, in UNSERE Wohnung, in unsere unsere unsere – I can’t write it often enough, it’s super special, baby we’re having a flat, a common flat, eine gemeinsame Wohnung. It still feels like a dream…

I’m getting back on my plane seat and let my thoughts walking, walking wherever they go… it’s interesting when I sit and think I always see you on your bike – had it before also. I wanna try to follow with my fingers this thought. Where does it go… let me see, I see you driving next to me in the morning, in the evening you’re laughing at me while riding the bike, you look so pretty… and we’re driving somewhere… that’s probably exactly the point, TOGETHER, we’re driving somewhere. Sometimes we know it, sometimes we don’t – but the fact we’re driving together there is the one that really counts. Do you remember, when I filmed you while driving over Mühleplatz – taking footage for your mom and I tried to drive faster to film you from the front, well was difficult… what a funny night, then the video we shot… I love the memory. Vielleicht ist die Fahrt auf dem Fahrrad auch symbolisch, symbolic like driving somewhere together where ever doesn’t matter, but next to each other.

Ohhh, the speaker – I have to turn off the Macbook… I wanna write more, I feel like writing more… but I’m a good guy, wanna close the notebook now. I don’t wanna have the same situation as yesterday, taking the glass out of the bar and getting in trouble with the police :)…

While uploading the pics to the blog post I found this one on my cellphone – and I loooove it 🙂 the story, the movie and our thoughts about, also about the simular room ;).

I safely landed in Basel and I’m now on the train back to Lucerne. The flight was too short to write down all I feel and especially wanna type. I will write more soon and finish this post with a sentence that appeared in my head after I landed…

we write memories, every moment.

PS. I also wanna use the moment to say Thank you, Thank you for everything. There are a million things I’m thankful for, thankful for you, thankful for every moment we have, for everything you do for me. And thank you for the beautiful letter you give me before I left. WOOOOW. You’re the best, your my woman, my girl, my heart, my everything.